Coming clean on negativity

imageClearly put: I’m not going to spend life wondering “what if.” I’ve also been wearing the same pants for the last few days, so I Febreze it up (I do shower, I’m just busy lazy).

My last post on selfishness and self-sacrifice is the reason for my Febreze-soaked jeans.

Mmm, linen fresh.

Mind, body and soul are totally depleted. When so many things stack up against you from forces beyond your control, it creates a hardened exterior. Negativity oozes like a thick sludge and you’re fully convinced it is the way you’re going to live your life.

And boy, is that a miserable thought.

And I don’t want that anymore.

The negativity created from being a burden to others has wreaked havoc on every facet of my life. It affects relationships, work performance and overall well-being. Every day feels like an major effort, wondering “What is expected from me today!” I’m no stranger to self-sacrifice, that realizing at my age, I haven’t given myself a
chance to live the life I should–or deserve.

It may have been an unrecognized nervous breakdown or that I had a
life changing epiphany, but started re-evaluating everything. Entities
I had, things that gave me joy, I shoved to the side or withdrew from.
Hell, I even made excuses why I can’t commit to ANYTHINGONE because I have had multiple ropes around my neck.

I don’t want to give anyone the extreme pleasure of being with a negative person.

So what did I do?

I scoured the internet.

For jobs. New opportunities. Strong considerations of moving my business. I sent out a frenzy of emails, as nerves were rattled, the attempt to keep bile down and an insane maniacal laugh emerged from my mouth in hopes of breaking away.

To a different location.

A location many people have told me I should go to, because here, I am limited. I’m not working to my own potential and there are forces at work that deplete me and keep me drained. I’m not going to have
burdens anymore.

Time for change. Time to live.

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