My last post on selfishness and self-sacrifice is the reason for my Febreze-soaked jeans.
Mmm, linen fresh.
Mind, body and soul are totally depleted. When so many things stack up against you from forces beyond your control, it creates a hardened exterior. Negativity oozes like a thick sludge and you’re fully convinced it is the way you’re going to live your life.
And boy, is that a miserable thought.
And I don’t want that anymore.
The negativity created from being a burden to others has wreaked havoc on every facet of my life. It affects relationships, work performance and overall well-being. Every day feels like an major effort, wondering “What is expected from me today!” I’m no stranger to self-sacrifice, that realizing at my age, I haven’t given myself a
chance to live the life I should–or deserve.
It may have been an unrecognized nervous breakdown or that I had a
life changing epiphany, but started re-evaluating everything. Entities
I had, things that gave me joy, I shoved to the side or withdrew from.
Hell, I even made excuses why I can’t commit to ANY
THINGONE because I have had multiple ropes around my neck.
I don’t want to give anyone the extreme pleasure of being with a negative person.
So what did I do?
I scoured the internet.
For jobs. New opportunities. Strong considerations of moving my business. I sent out a frenzy of emails, as nerves were rattled, the attempt to keep bile down and an insane maniacal laugh emerged from my mouth in hopes of breaking away.
To a different location.
A location many people have told me I should go to, because here, I am limited. I’m not working to my own potential and there are forces at work that deplete me and keep me drained. I’m not going to have
Time for change. Time to live.