of green-eyed monsters

I worked a job I did not exactly enjoy for the last few years. I wanted a shop in the worst way, and I guess everything came my way by a twist of fate—which I am a firm believer of. After many walk-through’s, cranky landlords and shady prospects, I landed a great place and opened up my shop. Since I opened, I’ve heard it many times from friends, family and acquaintances that they are not just happy for me, but also jealous.

Now, I’ve experienced jealousy loads of times, both petty and materialistic to desiring a specific life path. The thing is, I have also lost people in my life who think I am too good to actually take some time to hang or go out. It’s not that I’m too good, I’m friggin’ busy. If you think that, maybe you need to rethink things over.

Now, if you’re the jealous type, what are you jealous about? Of course the obvious: I’m boss, I make the decisions, I’m doing what I love; those are great but everyday is not completely easy. Financial woes, keeping up the inventory and all that jazz are major worries when you’re essentially a solopreneur.

The other night, as I was having my weekly business vent-off with my friend, also in the small business world. We are creeping up on age, and yet took the stab at being self-employed, despite any biological nags at holy matrimony and children. Did we make a good choice? Are we stupid? Should we just get an office job, smile everyday and raise our happy little children in a suburban home?

Owning a business was my personal choice. Right now, marriage, kids and playing house is not. I actually have a mental “pre-marriage bucket list” of things I do want to accomplish because I see those as hindrances right now. I see former shadows of the past, grasping onto stroller handles or their spouse’s hands. “I’m so jealous that you get to do what you want!” Jealous? Of me? I almost feel bad to possess the traits of a go-getter. Don’t be jealous, just be happy I finally figured out what I want to do. I’m not sighing at the site of children and husbands, wishing I had that right now. We all move at our own pace. I’m like experimentation and adventure and I’m not ready for stability. End of story.

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